Clor And Ty Reviews


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Sand Sharks

Did the cat like it? Meh

I love it when B-movies know exactly what they are, because then you end up with Sand Sharks. See, there are sharks…in the sand!!! There will be a party of co-eds coming to party it up…on the sand!!!! People are dying…sand!!!!!

You get it.

Sand sharks is a bad movie that aimed to be a bad movie. Lots of gratuities and faux-science. Characters include the dickhead misogynist with a heart of gold, sheriff, old fisherman guy that hunts things, hot police lady, hot science lady, hot other lady, another hot lady, and a token black guy. Seriously, there are a million white people on this island and one noticeable POC.

The sand sharks apparently lived under the ocean until they suddenly appeared on land and are…weird…scaly things? I don’t know. It’s funny and filled with idiots and we like it.

17 October 2014

Duck Life 4

[play here]

A duck training game! All the ducks in the game have only one leg and you have to teach them how to get through life through racing. Duck Life 4 is actually surprisingly fun, if not more than a little grindy.

See, the ducks race through different tracks built for running, swimming, flying, climbing, and jumping (and combinations of). You raise the respective levels for each thing by going through a sequence of three minigames. Depending on how well you do at these minigames, your levels go up and you gain money. The whole point of this is to train your duck to be the best and kick all the other duck asses.

You can raise more than one duck, but I found it tedious enough just raising my single duck (ANGER). It gets kinda really tedious as you continuously train your duck, especially if the minigames aren’t particularly easy for you.

The music also straddles the line between annoying and good.

Anyway, it saves, so you can close out any time during the game.

15 October 2014
Lay’s Jalapeno Mac n’ Cheese
[$2.47CDN | Do-Us-A-Flavour]
Does the Cat Like It? No
Smell: Well, it smells cheesy. There isn’t a strong smell, really.
Looks: It’s orange with green flecks on it.
Taste: Heavy cheesy flavour with an undertone of jalapeno. The spice comes up at the last minute, but isn’t very strong at all. It lingers for maybe a second at most. There isn’t any saltiness and it’s just kinda disappointing.
Texture: Very powdery at first. It’s a chip after.
Overall: 2/10 for Clorin, 4/10 for Tyler. The taste doesn’t really stand out and it’s kind of boring, really.

Lay’s Jalapeno Mac n’ Cheese

[$2.47CDN | Do-Us-A-Flavour]

Does the Cat Like It? No

Smell: Well, it smells cheesy. There isn’t a strong smell, really.

Looks: It’s orange with green flecks on it.

Taste: Heavy cheesy flavour with an undertone of jalapeno. The spice comes up at the last minute, but isn’t very strong at all. It lingers for maybe a second at most. There isn’t any saltiness and it’s just kinda disappointing.

Texture: Very powdery at first. It’s a chip after.

Overall: 2/10 for Clorin, 4/10 for Tyler. The taste doesn’t really stand out and it’s kind of boring, really.

13 October 2014

Apartment 1303 3D

[TW: Emotional Abuse, Suicide]

Did the cat like it? No.

Welcome to B-movie Hell! This is the kind of movie that has no positives except for the unintentional humour that stems from infomercial levels of incompetence. It literally opens with an idiot 24-year-old telling her sister that she signed a lease for the first apartment that the realtor suggested to her without even looking at the apartment.

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10 October 2014

grey story

[play here]

A platforming collection game, grey story seems to be about grief. Your character begins by trying to get the attention of someone who doesn’t seem to notice them. The world is black and white, so you go around the map collecting objects (memories?) and adding colour to this person’s world. As you do this, your character begins to fade away and become less “real”.

The music really sets the tone for it—it’s a piano piece that is simultaneously sad and energetic. The simple art really makes things pop as you add colour, and there isn’t any rush to collect. You’re given a general direction to search in and that’s it. It’s not frustrating to find any of the objects, and all of the routes you take are easy to tell apart.

The only thing about it that bugs me is the floaty jump, which may or may not be intentional because of your character probably being a ghost. Most of the platforms are hard to miss, but it’s easy to overshoot something and sort of glide away.

Overall, it’s an enjoyable game.

8 October 2014
Lay’s Cinnamon Bun
[$2.47CDN | Do-Us-A-Flavour]
Did the cat like it? Yes*
Okay, so we were pumped for this for a while. Ever since the last round of Do-Us-A-Flavour, we’ve been patiently waiting until we can have the next round. This time, we decided to suck it up and try all the flavours put out—and at the time of writing this, we’re trying to acquire the USA flavours as well.
Anyway, let’s do this.
Smell: It smells like cinnamon toast crunch. It’s not a strong smell, but it’s a good one.
Looks: Like a BBQ potato chip, almost.
Taste: Initially, you get the taste of cinnamon and a weird icing-like taste. It lingers at the end with a pecan-like taste that devolves into vague potato chip. There is a slight savoury twist to it, as the sweetness doesn’t stay too long. It could stand to have a little more cinnamon added to it.
Texture: It’s got a standard texture for the chip, but combined with the taste, it seems mealy.
Overall: 4/10 for Clorin, 6/10 for Tyler. While the taste is pretty decent, it could stand to be sweeter. Clorin would prefer the actual experience of eating a cinnamon bun for a similar reason. There’s a lot that goes into eating an actual cinnamon bun that the chips can’t quite replicate. The cat was interested more than average.
*we did not feed the cat the chips.

Lay’s Cinnamon Bun

[$2.47CDN | Do-Us-A-Flavour]

Did the cat like it? Yes*

Okay, so we were pumped for this for a while. Ever since the last round of Do-Us-A-Flavour, we’ve been patiently waiting until we can have the next round. This time, we decided to suck it up and try all the flavours put out—and at the time of writing this, we’re trying to acquire the USA flavours as well.

Anyway, let’s do this.

Smell: It smells like cinnamon toast crunch. It’s not a strong smell, but it’s a good one.

Looks: Like a BBQ potato chip, almost.

Taste: Initially, you get the taste of cinnamon and a weird icing-like taste. It lingers at the end with a pecan-like taste that devolves into vague potato chip. There is a slight savoury twist to it, as the sweetness doesn’t stay too long. It could stand to have a little more cinnamon added to it.

Texture: It’s got a standard texture for the chip, but combined with the taste, it seems mealy.

Overall: 4/10 for Clorin, 6/10 for Tyler. While the taste is pretty decent, it could stand to be sweeter. Clorin would prefer the actual experience of eating a cinnamon bun for a similar reason. There’s a lot that goes into eating an actual cinnamon bun that the chips can’t quite replicate. The cat was interested more than average.

*we did not feed the cat the chips.

6 October 2014

The Possession of Michael King

[TW: Flashing Images, Sexual Assault, Accounts of Incest, Animal Death, Self-Harm, Suicide]

Did the cat like it? No.

Usually when people die, people grieve through tears and funerals and a slow healing process that takes the support of a loving family and self-reflection takes place. Usually when people die, we don’t go nuts and attempt to disprove the existence of demons by participating in every dark ritual you could think of. Usually, we’re not Michael King, who is an idiot.

Read More

3 October 2014

2nd Cycle

[play here]

Did the cat like it? Meh.

A short side scrolling platformer, 2nd Cycle is a calm game that relies on difficulty to make it feel longer. The pixeling is very pretty, but there is little sound or ambiance until the very end.

It doesn’t take too long to master the game and play it through, but it’s nice and calming. The game doesn’t have a lot of substance, though. It seems there is something of a story going on, but it’s not a very compelling one.

1 October 2014

TMNT Coming Out of Their Shells Tour

Hoo boy is this late 80’s/early 90’s as fuck.

Back when the new Turtles movie was looming on the horizon and the Shrek jokes were flying a friend of ours recommended we seek out this little gem as an example of the most cringe-worthy the turtles had been thus far.

Touring in the summer of 1990, and with a sponsorship from Pizza Hut, the Coming Out of Their Shells Tour had the tubular terrapins trading in their shells for denim vests and their ninja weapons for instruments, singing songs about being turtles and eating pizza. Of course, it wouldn’t be a TMNT event without the Shredder showing up to ruin things for everyone, and what better way to ruin a concert than by destroying the very existence of music.

I find it hard to be too down on this whole thing. Sure, some of the jokes aren’t all there, the acting gets kinda stiff, and the songs were not about to top any charts, but all the same there’s something ridiculous charming about it. In the footage we found there are frequent shots of the crowd, and it was absolutely packed with kids and their parents waving plastic swords and sporting brightly coloured face masks, and damnit they look they’re having a great time of it. Watching it now, with our jaded twenty-something sensibilites, it’s easy to dismiss it as regretable relic marring the good name of a beloved franchise, but any time I start to think like that I’m immediately reminded that 5 year old me woulda loved the shit out of it. Were I the age this set was clearly shooting to grab I’d be right there screaming at Shredder and waving my plastic sword and it’d have been a proud memory to look back to.

And not one of the turtles look like an ogre.

14 August 2014

clorandtyreviews will be returning after a short hiatus

we will decide when to start spamming you with our opinions on a daily basis again likely in october. thank you for following! be back soon!

 
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